Don't panic

So the first case of swine flu was just confirmed in Tennessee.

And it is in Nashville.

And the infected student attended a school right down the street.

And a bunch of students from that school were just on our campus a couple of days ago for an admissions event.

So do you think the Bellevue Wal-mart is sold out of face masks yet?

for love of whimsical things

I was flipping through a coworker's graphic design magazine, and an ad for a website caught my eye.

So I visited allymoon, and I fell in love. I think I want one of everything from the collections.

I might just buy a pocket mirror for my purse, my car, my office, my nightstand, and anywhere else I can think of stashing a tiny mirror. And I don't even like looking at myself that much...although it can be helpful to know when you've got something stuck in your teeth.

curb your enthusiasm

So last week I blogged about my passion for food, my voracious appetite, and my distaste for dieting.

And now, I may have to eat my words.

You see, I had a humbling experience over the weekend (and by "humbling experience" I actually mean a complete and total meltdown that involved alligator tears, blotchy red cry-face, and clothing being hurled at the mirror), and it made me realize that I'm going to have to cut back a little on my consumption. Or else my clothes closet is going to turn into a non-functional art installation entitled "Smallness that Mocks Me." Of course, Todd's response to my lament was "But isn't it a good thing to get to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe???" Ah, my sweet, sweet husband.

So, starting today, a few things are going to happen.
1. I am going to start exercising much more regularly. I might even invest in this program--I've heard some pretty good reviews.
2. I am going to cut back on my portion sizes.
3. I am going to alter my diet slightly, limiting myself to the following things:
* fruits and vegetables
* fish
* a very small amount of cheese/dairy
* non-gluten grains

And maybe, if I stick to this, it will be safe for the full-length mirror and I to see each other again...

hungry

I found a new snack obsession:



Notice that the bag is already half-empty in this picture. That's because I managed to inhale half the bag in the time that it took me to drive from World Market to my house.

I have a problem.

You see, I love food. I love talking about food, reading about food, thinking about food, eating food, shopping for food, cooking food, trying new food...sometimes, I even dream about food. It is truly a wonder that I don't weigh 300 pounds, because I eat ALL THE TIME.

I hear people talk about "forgetting" to eat, and I think "how in the world is that possible?" When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think about is what I want for breakfast. And by the time I have finished breakfast, it is very likely that I have already planned out my meals and snacks for the remainder of the day.

I also know some people (like my husband) who usually eat just one meal a day and the idea of that hurts me. Seriously, my stomach aches right now just thinking about limiting myself to one solitary food experience per day. That sounds way too close to fasting.

When I go to lunch in the cafeteria, I watch my co-workers dab little bits of cottage cheese on their plates, add a few pieces of lettuce and maybe 2 ounces of chicken, and call it a meal. Meanwhile, I find the biggest container possible and load it up. I don't eat a side salad--I don't even eat a bowl of salad--I eat a mountain of salad. The word "dainty" does not have a place anywhere near my appetite.

Fortunately, my metabolism has been able to keep up with my appetite for most of my life, but it is starting to slow on me. Love handles, muffin-tops, and cellulite have begun to make an appearance on my body, but I refuse to deny myself deliciousness. Diet is a dirty four-letter word in my book.

So if you wonder why I drag myself out of bed at 5:00 in the morning to go to the gym, or why I challenge myself to run half-marathons...well, it's simple. Is it because I love the smell of sweat and spandex in the morning? God no. Is it because I enjoy the way my knees feel like they might explode after 5 miles of jogging? Not so much.

I do it because I LOVE. TO. EAT. But I also quite enjoy having my pants fit. Sigh.

Did I mention?

I'm pregnant--we're pretty sure it's twins.
We just adopted two cats and a kangaroo.
We sold the house--don't know where we're gonna live.
Todd might take a job in Kalamazoo.

I had a great big steak for lunch.
There was a bomb threat today at school.
I won the lottery--I have a hunch.
Oh, and of course...April Fool!

This was a total rip-off (and a feeble one at that) of Shel Silverstein's piece:

Oh Have You Heard
Oh have you heard it’s time for vaccinations?
I think someone put salt into your tea.
They’re giving us eleven-month vacations.
And Florida has sunk into the sea.

Oh have you heard the President has measles?
The principal has just burned down the school.
Your hair is full of ants and purple weasels—
APRIL FOOL!