bitten

Sometimes, I think WebMD can read my mind.

I receive their weekly e-mail newsletters, and every now and then, the email title seems to be specifically directed at me. For example, I recently opened my inbox to find the title "Are you a mosquito magnet?", and I immediately had to click through to read the featured article. You see, I have been pondering that exact same question quite a lot lately.

Mosquitos love me. They long to be near me. Sometimes I think that I can see them staring in my windows, just waiting for me to come outside. I'm not sure, but I think that there must have been a write-up in the Mosquito World News that said something like, "If you're ever in Nashville, TN, be sure to stop by TT's for a quick bite to eat. Ask for a seat on the back or upper arms--those are the best spots. It can get a little crowded at times, but it's worth it."

If I played connect-the-dots with all of the bites I currently have, it would look like a full-body tattoo gone horribly awry. There are so many that I actually asked Todd yesterday if he thought it could be chicken pox instead of mosquito bites. He just looked at me like I was crazy. He does that a lot.

When I was little, my mom used to tell me that the mosquitos liked me because I was "so sweet." What I found out from the article is that some people truly are more attractive to mosquitos than others--specifically, people who have more cholesterol or steroids on their skin surface, or people who give off larger amounts of certain acids or carbon dioxide tend to attract more mosquitos. Lovely. I think I liked mom's theory better.

Since I can't alter my body chemistry very easily, I guess I'll just have to start bathing in a mixture of Cutter and Off, and buy a little stock in Calamine lotion. At least then I can amuse the small children in the mall, as they tug at their mom's shirts and say, "Look, mom, there goes a pink polka-dotted lady!"