I don't do this often.
I hate admitting weaknesses and struggles, and I really hate to show my inner ugly.
But, it's there.
I try to foster positive thoughts and emotions, but every now and then, the inner ugly rears its head.
Lately, I have been struggling with feelings of anger and disgust toward two people in particular. I have attempted to couch it in prettier rhetoric, calling it "righteous indignation", but when it comes down to it, it is truly just disgust and anger. There's nothing very pretty about it at all.
And I know, I know, that I have no right to judge...and I know that I should forgive them, and I should choose to love them anyway...but then I lie in bed at night and think about the situation, and the anger seethes inside of me and the disgust grows. And I hate it. I hate that I feel those emotions, and I hate that I have not yet been able to let it go.
And I am very afraid that if I should encounter these people under the right circumstances, the anger and disgust will rise up and form into words that I shouldn't say...words that I don't really have a right to say...words that will only cause hurt and more anger.
Sigh. I truly want to let it go, and I want to have a peace about all of this...
but sometimes, it just isn't that pretty in here.
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4 comments:
Okay, so your deep thoughts may not always be pretty, but I'd say 97% of the time they are. I love the pretty and no-so-pretty parts of you just the same :)
That's very sweet. It's good to have friends who can love you in the midst of your messiness. :)
You know, I hope, that our long runs are always a fine, fine place to vent those not-so-pretty feelings (assuming, of course, that said two people are not your two training partners, wink wink, nudge nudge).
Of course not...my training partners rock!
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